The Hulse Haven

        The past month has been one of sorrow and grief. I have tried so hard to be a brick and if possible ease the sorrow of my beloved family members. Still, when I least expect it, the huge hole in my heart reaches up and pulls me into it and the tears gush out. My beloved huband of 64 years,3 months and 4 days was relieved from further suffering and went to another realm of existance. I know he is free of pain and happy. I wish I could say that I was, but I right now feel that I will never be happy until we are together again. I guess that is why I am so miserable. Will he remember me? Is he traveling in compay with those he is more comfortable with? Has he advanced so fast and far that I will trail far behind? Does he still love me as much as I love him? Oh dear! There are tears dripping from every inadequate word.
         I now can recite my blessings. The arrangements for his funeral and burial went so smoothly. everything was so perfect My darling looked so peaceful and natural in his lovely pine casket. The flowers were gorgeous. The services were exactly what he would have wanted. Those who came to pay their respects were like a multitude. Seeing friends and family and feeling their love and concern had a comforting effect on my spirit. Our adorable children and grandchildren were so kind and caring that I never could have made it without them.  The Gospel of Jesus Christ made it possible for me to know where he is and that I will see him as his wife again. Still, I must dispose of his clothing and other proofs that he lived and was so dear. Still, I must feel across the bed an realize he's not there.Still,I call out his name and he doesn't answer. The dreaded hole is pulling me in and the tears are flowing. Oh, Ted, sweetheart, I miss you so much.

It is Sunday night and I am feeling grateful for my blessings. I really enjoyed church today. The speakers were very good. The husband is a convert of three years. They were in our Sunday School class we taught on Family Relations. We thought he was a member for 5 years or more, and then one Sunday they announced that he was going to be baptized. He met his wife while they were working at Glacier National Park. She was a good member.   They have been married 12 years and have 3 beautiful daughters. They spoke on patiemce and obedience, both of which were appreciated by me. Sunday School was on following the prophets, which I believe in with all my heart. Relief Society was on the teachings of Pres. Joseph Fielding Smith. The subject was to have love and concern for all of Heavenly Father's children. I loved the lesson and the great things the sisters in the class shared. We read Mosiah 12 & 13 when I got home, and the words of Abinadi are so great! I love Sunday. I love our ward and everybody in it. I love the Gospel. Most of all I love our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.I love my precious posterity. Sons and daughters, grandsons and granddaughters, great-grandsons and great-granddaughters, and all those who have married into this remarkable family.     

The reunion was so much fun! I loved the Family Feud, the balancing stick game, and the Trivia! It was a beautiful day, and I loved that we got to celebrate it on Grandma's birthday. Just thought I would share the pictures I took. Love you all and looking forward to next year!

I am so grateful for the beautiful spring weather! Even when it rains! I am a rainy day person and like overcast skies. I am so grateful for the help we recieved from ward members who came and cleaned our yard. They are wonderful and much loved for their service. I am grateful today for the Book of Mormon. There is much speculation about who inhabited this United States from 600 B.C. to 400 A.D. and yet we have the whole story revealed to the Prophet Joseph Smith when he was given the plates at the Hill Cumorah. I would reccomend 2nd Nephi Chapter 9 as one of the most powerful and concise testimonies ever. I have decided to start every day with that scripture to anchor me. I love my whole family and wish they could all know what I know. That God lives and is indeed our loving Father. That His Son, Jesus Christ is our personal living Savior, and that He suffered and died for us and that the Holy Ghost is a comforter, guide, and revelator in our lives. I also know that Joseph Smith was and is a prophet. I love our present-day prophet, Pres. Monson. How blessed all are who share this knowledge. I hope if you read this that you know that I Love You!

Just a few thoughts on getting older and wishing I had done many things differently. I think most of all I am not very useful any more. If it weren't for the privilege of taking care of Grandpa, I would be of no value to anyone. Thank goodness for Grandpa! May he live several more years and die the day before I do. Then I will be of some good to someone. I want to start getting rid of some things that are cluttering our house. I will probably start with the bears. I love them all, but they sit around the house being loved by no one. I was thinking of letting anyone interested in having one, draw a number and match it up with the number on the bear. I want to be fair. I don't think the boys will be too keen on a bear, but if any of them are, they will be welcome to join in. This is a bit rambling, but so is my brain. Feedback welcome.
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